***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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