So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
