Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
