I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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