I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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