I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
