it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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