If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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