how can u be prego again
I look better un-naked...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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