guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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