Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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