You're my little dorito
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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