so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize