why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
