Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
