My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize