in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
