Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
