Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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