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So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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