I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
