note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
