Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
