I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
