don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
