I want to make a zoo with you.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize