She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
