I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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