Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
