she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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