Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize