You're so nebulous sometimes
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize