yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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