Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
