I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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