Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
