I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
