I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
