It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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