Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
