Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize