thus making me awesome and them whores
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
