Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
