I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it glows. i had to have it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
