i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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