garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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