I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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