You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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