My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
