if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize