im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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