Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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