Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
