Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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