i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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