Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
