I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
