bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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