eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
