I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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