just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
