hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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