i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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